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Relationship advice for younger sister?
One of my sisters, who is fourteen, has been asking me for relationship advice. I don’t know what to tell her. Could you help me out?
Here’s the situation: She’s been dating a red haired boy for the past eight months. He’s a year older than her and in the year above her at school. Things have been strained between them since he didn’t get her a birthday present (she saved up money and looked for weeks to find him the perfect birthday present). She acts as though she’s frustrated with him when she’s not around him… but when she see’s him in public and stuff she acts like she’s in love again.
Then there’s this other guy in her year at school. I know that she likes him a lot because of her body language. They get along really well and are good friends.
My sister’s asked me whether she should break up with her current boyfriend (the red head) and go after the boy her age. I don’t know what to tell her. Help?
Why is she frustrated with him so often? Are you getting the impression that he doesn’t appreciate her as much as he should? Is SHE getting that impression as well?
If so, I would recommend you advise her to break it off. Many teenage boys are self-centered, and it’s no use getting your emotions all tied up with a boy who doesn’t value you. I think this imbalance often happens when one relationship partner is older than the other.
If you’re not getting the impression that he doesn’t appreciate her, then advise her that it’s a decision she needs to make. I tend to think, though, that at 14, if she’s dating at all, she needs to stay out of serious long-term relationships. She’s a little too young to be purposely cultivating strong attachments to one person; if she has only dated one person seriously, it will be very hard for her to get over it if the relationship does not work out. It will be better for her to realize there are MANY different boys out there and to get to know them as friends first before dating them (which it sounds like she is doing with the other guy).
Just a personal note: When I was 14, I started a long-term relationship with a boy two years older than I was. He didn’t value or appreciate me, and everyone who knew us could see it. I was in love with him, though, and we ended up staying together for quite a long time. Looking back, I wish I had been wiser and had gone out with someone who considered me his equal. It’s very damaging to your self-esteem to be with someone who is self-centered and condescending.
